Crispi Crunch – Thumbs UP ( feat. Sori )

Rap duos can be found a dozen a buck in Korea, just to give you some names : Untouchables, Mighty Mouth, Supreme Team, Dinamic Duo, Leessang, of course, and many others. The newest on on the market is Crispi Crunch. Not Crispy Crunch as I was tempted to spell it because the phrase must have been TM-ed by a chocolate company.

So what is it with Crispi Crunch and its sudden rise in popularity ? I honestly thought there’s not much going on in there after I gave Thumbs Up a quick listen. A nice party anthem, with lots of growling and shouting, yet as original as the 34594th stalking cat on YouTube is today. This is what I was thinking of them until I got a tip from here that  funny stuff is going on in the video.

Hands up anyone who’s been to a club and witnessed  a guy having at least one of the behaviors depicted by the two specimens in the MV. Hands up if you’ve said meh… to at least one MV in which the singer/singers were being too conscious of themselves and the camera. And lastly, hands up all my girls who had problems in the past with taming a guy’s sexual outbursts in public. I see a sea of hands ( I’m not delusional, I hope).

Look at Hands Up video first, then watch Thumbs Up.

Do you get where I’m heading ? These guys and their producers are geniuses. Better yet, watch both the cut and uncut versions of Thumbs Up. I have no idea which one is more nutty, the cut version with all the mocking pointed at the likes of 2PM or the uncut with the hilarious shots in the closet. I don’t understand a word those two girls are saying, but I could swear it is something I’ve said on more than one occasion. And the ending with that she-male’s POV, oh, EEEPIIICC!!! Even the way they make fun of the occasional male-on-male making out fan-service, and of the idiotic and superfluous adlib-ing, and of the whole We Rock the Show – all are freaks and nerds except us attitude, and of the girl sandwich-ing… Oh, this shit is dope !!!!

Final rating : an honest thumbs up for the boys  10/10 !

We be coolest in the club

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crispi Crunch

We be jerking off in the club

 

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Jay Park – Demon

No one was so hatefully bashed in here as Jay Park was in this malicious review. As an ending note I was advising him to try a more original and an inch more polished sound in order to come up with a true party anthem. Well, he did that. And no, not because of my bashing. Demon is not the greatest and most original thing ever but it manages to put Jay Park in front of my full of disbelief eyes in a completely new light. I love almost everything about this song. You may be familiar with my strange passions, like the one for this song. Now I think I’m having the same symptoms. I like the catchyness of the melody and how it starts at a low volume then suddenly powers up after a few seconds, I love the use of a grave violin tune and girl screams in the background, the rap in the middle 8 is delivered in a playful way that I am very fond of and the thing that manages to give me the good chills most are those adorable lyrics written by our very own Jay. I am willing to forget all about that Bestie girl and pledge my eternal love for Jay for being able to incorporate these verses in a song :

“I was on my way to heaven,
then she brought me down with a smile.
The scent of her perfume (black leather),
one look I traded God for her eyes.”

and the rap I was talking about :
“I was trying to go and save my soul,
but loving you really takes its toll.
You’re the only single name I know,
we must be glued together ’cause I can’t let go,
I tried to leave but I ain’t getting away.
No wonder your eyes are red in every picture we take,
‘cause you’re a demon why are you so evil to me?
But I love it so damn why didn’t I see?
You’re a master piece gone wrong, a wreck waiting to happen,
the grim ripper might as well go wait in the casket.
Not a human being but baby you’re a spirit.
I’m a super hero but you’re just a stronger super villain,
the best team in the league with you, I can’t win.
Heartbeat won’t die, my love’s what we can see.
So let me throw again what I still believe,
Baby you’re the finest demon that I’ve ever seen. “

I am so blindfolded by my new-found obsession that I was able to get past the gag reflex that wreck of a MV  is provoking me at every watch. The dance shots are ok ( he is, after all, a very talented dancer ), especially the slow-mo shot at 2:32 is a beautiful touch but any part that includes the actual she-demon look like taken from Drakula 5. ( I have no idea if this movie was ever made but if you were to ask me, aside from the fact that Santa and Dracula never really existed, any movie that tackles this subject is

a complete waste of money and lack of talent ). I mean, I like the actual skinship between her Evil Highness and Jay but seriously now, she seems as if she’s weighing a tone if you were to  look at Jay’s tormented appearance while she’s sliding over his bare chest…bare chest...chocolate abs…mmmm. And don’t even get me started on those gruesome Caspers that fluster around her. All in all things come to a cute NG ending and I’m happy to know that even he doesn’t take this MV that serious. Final rating : 8.6/10 Great job, Jay !

Super Junior – Sorry, Sorry

I don’t like Super Junior. I simply don’t. No hidden reason, is pure animosity. They are given too much credit when only 3-4 of them really deserve a place on a concert stage. And not necessary as a group. Another thing that I dislike about them : on live performances there’s always at least one member that’s trying hard to look bored and like not giving a shit about the audience.

Oggghhh, me likey being a star

That member that gets on my nerves is usually Heechul, but not always. I’m not saying that we should ban all big numbered boy groups because they are hard to handle. How about those other groups that manage to look professional and honestly enjoy performing ? There are lots of them. The problem lies inside Super Junior- the band. The majority of the members have better jobs than that of a singer. They usually earn their popularity by guest appearances or MC-ing on radio or variety shows which is far more appealing than delivering 2 lines on a track and learning the moves from a silly choreography.
Despite all these allegations, I do believe Sorry Sorry to be not only one of the best kpop songs ever released but one of the best international pop songs too. What makes it so special ? Well, don’t just listen to the song, watch the dance version of the MV and you will understand. The minimalistic setting, the b/w filming along with the best group choreography I’ve ever seen work their magic on turning the listening of a ordinary dance song a memorable experience.

what was I saying...

Keeping things at a certain level of balance it’s the best one can do with such a big project. The song is rich sounding so you have no choice but to make some of the voices to sound-alike, even through the use of autotune. The choreography is complex and covers all space available so keep the lights toned down and the setting at a minimalistic level. And the most important, don’t show portrait shots. This is a group song, none should outshine the others.

Sorry, sorry makes me forget the fact that it is sung by an idol group. This MV deserves its place in modern art history not only because it’s exponential for kpop, but, like I said before, it’s at an international level. I dare say it does a lesser effort to represent kpop than to be the most straightforward brilliant a standard dance track and MV can get.

I will never consider pop music to be a superficial genre, not while I’m so aware of the efforts being put in for each and every artist. I’m referring to the legions of composers, stylists, choreographers, designers, concept artists, etc. All of these people work together in order to create a brand out of a group or artist. A brand the size and level of any other product on the market, be it a popular fizzy drink, gameboy or car. Albeit the fact that they must also compete in sales with those products.
Attention is today’s tool of trade in the world of showbusiness. SJ deserved international attention and recognition for Sorry, Sorry because is one of those brilliant ideas that stand the test of time.
Final rating : 9.7/10

They went from this ...

To this (a 3/4 members SJ)

They went from this …

SNSD – Hoot

I’m not a big fan of any girl groups out of superficial reasons : boys and boybands give me the element of eyecandiness, girls and girl groups at the most make me jealous of their perfect figure and looks so, instead of concentrating on liking the song, I usually end up drowning in my personal pool of frustrations. ( Girl, why so dramatic ?? ). In spite of all this, I’ll talk a bit about SNSD, and, in particular, about Hoot.
World’s biggest girl group rivalry : SNSD vs Wonder Girls. I could make this the theme of my thesis but I will content myself to only writing about SNSD. Anyway, if somebody asks, I believe Wonder Girls deserve more praise.
The girls are almost complete strangers to me. I was in a hypermarket in Bucharest at the electronics corner and there was a CF featuring the girls on some of the LCDs. I tried to make use of my variety shows acquired knowledge and recognise some of them. It was too big of a challenge. Besides Sunny’s face the whole experiment was one big blur. Let’s forget this epic fail and move on.
The true problem lies in the fact that there is an obvious lack of interest in showing each member’s own individuality. This doesn’t come as a cheap excuse for my ignorance. Of course, hardcore fans know their shoe sizes and are able to recognise each girl’s voice, but I can’t. And I won’t.

I feel very uncomfortable seeing 9 girls dressed the same in silly clothing. I’m not asking for haute couture or individual styling but the way they do it it’s like a show with one weird looking girl multiplied by 9. It’s ok to dress a group of 3-4 maybe 5 girls in a similar way. There always is enough space between them not to make the view too much of an eyesore. But in the case of 9, and by arranging them in a single row or 2 parallel and complementary rows, the whole dance floor is filled. There’s really no room left for choreography mistakes.

Because of Siwon’s impersonation of an American ’50s police inspector, I have a motive to watch the MV for Hoot. He really seems like sliding into his own shoes while playing that role. It suits him so well that’s making me a bit uneasy to keep on trying not to sound too cheesy while complimenting him. Although it was a big hit, partially because of the Cupid’s arrow dance moves, I can honestly say it’s the weakest track I’ve heard from them. For once, the only ones that managed to go succesful on the retro path were the Wonder Girls and secondly, Nobody did actually have a retro sound. Hoot is nothing but a parody of retro.

The hair, outfits, gestures, choreo, image and plot of the clip turn my stomach upside down. It’s like on a doomed day, Austin Powers met all 3 of Charlie’s Angels and 9 months later we welcomed to this world 9 weird-looking children. ( Well, this would imply at least one of the Angels having triplets or sextuplets, but in fantasy world anything is possible ). All of the 60’s kitsch is put together and the most bizarre things are obviously those identical outfits, both the red/black and the silver ones, the most horrendous inventions in kpop since 2PM’s Matrix look.
The idea of splitting them into groups of 3 with separate concepts it really isn’t a bad one. Not unless you are the director of this video and you plan on doing the “weird retro American concept” on of them. If only he would have incorporated Siwon into the girl party and make him work his charms on them…
The prize for ugliest item on this clip goes tothis blonde wig.


Final rating : 4.5/10 ( They should thank Siwon )
When I was searching for a photo of Siwon from Hoot, google made fun of me saying I was actually looking for : Siwon Hot.
I’m sorry, but isn’t that a pleonastic structure ?
P.S. I feel the need to say that this was in no way a review on Siwon’s appearance in Hoot. Definitely not!

Siwon knows he's hot

Homme (Changmin & Lee Hyun) – Man Should Laugh

The Homme duo project brought together two of my favourite men in the whole wide world : 2AM’s Changmin and 8eight’s Lee Hyun. The songs are not that special but the complementarity of their voices makes them spectacular. Also, they seem to have that chemistry only true love can create. Manly love, of course.
Seriously now, as a male duet is very hard not to look silly. To me, the now version of DBSK is redundant. Not to mention the fact that they lack a stable vocalist. Homme has two of them.
I really, really, really enjoy watching the MV for Man Should Laugh. I know, it’s illogical and hilarious because they obviously try hard to look angry at each other, but it’s fun. I honestly believe they would never fight, at least not over something so frivolous as a woman’s love. Maybe over who has the perfect pitch or better looks, yeah, something like that…
Final rating : 8/10

 

Jay Park – Take A Deeper Look ( album review )

The very few things I know about Jay Park are : the fact that he used to be a member of 2PM untill out of a sudden he decided to go solo and that he has chocolate abs. In what concerns the last piece of information I just couldn’t say no to his request to take a deeper look at them. ( O.O )

I have a love-hate relationship with r&b. It’s a painful experience for me to listen to such songs from R.Kelly or Usher. The abuse of vocal embroidery makes me sick and the overall impression is that I’m listening to the same melody over and over again. On the other hand, a more inspired sound could lighten up my interest. Michael Jackson does that. Or did. Still does, MJ is not dead, you hear me ??? In the world of kpop, Wheesung does that too. But more about me and my crush on Wheesung in another episode.

Getting back to Jay Park’s Take A Deeper Look, sadly, this album managed to aggravate my imaginary heart disease. Proverbial were the verses from Can’t Be Without You, the 4th track : ” I’m so hurt-girl/ I need a doc-tor”.
The first song, Touch The Sky, features rap parts by the Quiett ( never heard of ) and the refrain goes something like this : ah ah aa aah/ ah ah aaaa aaaah.

Abandoned has Jay agonising about how lonely he feels and how sad that is and how a better place the world would be if the war in the middle east were to come to an end. That’s my interpretation of the song. You give a better one if you can !


To Jay Park’s despair, his flashy comeback track, Tonight, shared the title with the one Big Bang was supposed to release at about the same time. Needless to say his performances were delayed a few weeks and Abandoned was chosen for promotions. He did perform Tonight but later on, when the harm had already been done. Remember the Big Bang comeback tsunami ??

Jay needs to give party anthems to his audience because his r&b style is, to say the least, outdated. Tonight isn’t that party anthem. You need something with a faster beat to show off those abs more.
The rest of the songs are fairly similar to the ones I already talked about and, to be sincere, I felt too bored to even try to pay attention while listening. The one thing that did caught my attention was the last song. It talks about some Bestie ( yes, this is the original spelling ) girl Jay Park is supposedly infatuated with. How exactly does she look and in which African desert can

she be found remain a mystery, but she’s his “everything”. How romantic…


Final rating : 3.4/10 Also because he has the most annoying voice i’ve heard since Akon and it’s hard to top Akon.